Those pesky carp are so intent on getting into Lake Michigan – their Golden Gate to the Great Lakes system – that they are willing to hurl themselves from the Des Plaines River into the Chicago Sanitary and Ship Canal during the next big storm. The locals are preparing sandbags in a most likely futile attempt to stop the giant jumping craven fish.

“The biggest risk right now is the Des Plaines River, and if we get a big rain like we did last year, they could very well go over the wall,” Wisconsin Sea Grant’s Phil Moy told Dan Egan of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Moy is recommending an expensive 6-mile long dike be built to halt the carpe.

“Go ahead and try to stop us,” said A. Carpe a spokesmen for his kind. “The truth of the matter is, not even your gazillion dollar electric barrier can stop us. We’re coming, just like we did when we used to flood waters to make our way into the Mississippi. We’re like kudzu, we’re uncontainable – you just wait and see,” he said in an “Interview with A.Carpe”.

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• Russian Roulette with a Carp
• Groups call for emergency action to keep Asian carp out of the Great Lakes